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There's a small ongoing debate in the comments of this entry over at Virusdoc about spanking. Erik asked for help determining the right or wrong of spanking. My take on his post is that he's against spanking, but his little boy is pushing he and his wife to the brink (and over recently). Adding to an allready difficult situation, his inlaws have been pressuring them to spank Noah. It seems that other methods aren't working, but spanking does not seem to be right.

Serious abuse is obvious. Out of control parents, sometimes intoxicated, repeatedly beating kids for minor trespasses for extended lengths of time. These are obvious cases. But many against spanking would say that there is no 'obvious case' that is just spanking, not abuse. I think there is.

Coincidentally, I heard a segment on NPR's Tavis Smiley show on spanking on June 16th (listen: Windows Media or Real Player). My wife also got a book from the library recently called "I refuse to raise a brat" which is profoundly against spanking, so spanking has been on my mind. In the book they cite situations of kids being slapped across the face and being hit in public as examples of why spanking is bad. To my thinking, this is at best poor practice of spanking, but really closer to abuse. So what is the difference between abuse and spanking?

The pediatrician, Dr. Den Trumbull, that was on Tavis Simley's show I think spoke very eloquantly on the distiction. He speaks of 'proactive not reactive' spanking. Often, when we see spanking, it is a reaction to behavior, a parent pushed over the edge. It's the arm grab, yank and multiple swats of the disobediant child in the grocery store, often acompanied by shouting. This is not proper spanking, and it's no wonder that people get up in arms when they see this kind of behavior.

Dr. Trumbull offers these guidelines, which pretty closely match our practice in our home:

1. Spanking should be used selectively for clear, deliberate misbehavior, particularly that which arises from a child's persistent defiance of a parent's instruction. It should be used only when the child receives at least as much encouragement and praise for good behavior as correction for problem behavior.

2. Milder forms of discipline, such as verbal correction, time-out, and logical consequences, should be used initially, followed by spanking when noncompliance persists. Spanking has shown to be an effective method of enforcing time-out with the child who refuses to comply.

3. Only a parent (or in exceptional situations, someone else who has an intimate relationship of authority with the child) should administer a spanking.

4. Spanking should not be administered on impulse or when a parent is out of control. A spanking should always be motivated by love for the purpose of teaching and correcting, never for revenge.

5. Spanking is inappropriate before 15 months of age and is usually not necessary until after 18 months. It should be less necessary after 6 years, and rarely, if ever, used after 10 years of age.

6. After 10 months of age, one slap to the hand of a stubborn crawler or toddler may be necessary to stop serious misbehavior when distraction and removal have failed. This is particularly the case when the forbidden object is immovable and dangerous, such as a hot oven door or an electrical outlet.

7. Spanking should always be a planned action, not a reaction, by the parent and should follow a deliberate procedure.

• The child should be forewarned of the spanking consequence for
  designated problem behaviors.



• Spanking should always be administered in private (bedroom or
  restroom) to avoid public humiliation or embarassment.



• One or two spanks should be administered to the buttocks. This
  is followed by embracing the child and calmly reviewing the
  offense and the desired behavior in an effort to reestablish a
  warm relationship.

8. Spanking should leave only transient redness of the skin and should never cause physical injury.

9. If properly administered spankings are ineffective, other appropriate disciplinary responses should be tried, or the parent should seek professional help. Parents should never increase the intensity of spankings.

This list is taken from a well documented article that analyzes the available research on spanking and the common arguments against it. (The article is part of the web page of Paul Poelstra, Ph.D. of Biola University, found by Google search. His web page has other links to spanking resources.)

In my home, our girls are warned that a spanking is to come if they persist in what they're doing. If a spanking is necessary, we sit down and talk about it first. We make sure they undestand what they've done and why they are getting spanked. Immediately after the spanking, we hold them and reasure them. We then ask for an apology, and follow it with an assurance of forgiveness. Then all is forgotten and it's on with life.

I think spanking has a place in the home. I think that most kids would benefit from the proper use of spanking, similar to the guidelines outlined above. However, I would also say that no parent who's conscience is violated by spanking their child should be pressured into doing so. The scriptures talk of the benefits of physical discipline of children (Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 23:13) but they also say that anything that is done outside of faith is sin (Romans 14). Do your homework, and then let your conscience be your guide, whether to spank or not to spank.