I had started this post a few weeks ago but never finished it. It bears completing, bringing some unfortunate closure to the events in my church over the past few months.
Well, what I had feared has happened. The deacon who stepped down just a few weeks ago told me on Thursday (5/27/2004) that he will no longer be worshiping with us. The reasons are the same as they were when we spoke that night. If that blow could be said to have brought me to my knees, this one put me flat on my back on the mat, out cold. I'm begining to come to now.
This is now the 4th man in the past year that I've grown close to and opened my heart to that has left my fellowship. These men and I have shared our hearts, gut wrenching feelings and deep wrestling about God and truth. Most imortantly for me I've felt a connection with them, a bond, that I've found hard to make with others. And one by one they've left, two to other states and two to other congregations.
I was, frankly, a real grouch for several days. This one has been perhaps the hardest. Not because we we the closest, we weren't. No I think it was finding another who I felt I could share with and loosing them. I need these kind of men, these kind of relationships. It's almost unbearable to think of going on without them. But the thought of giving my heart all over again only to have the rug torn from beneath my feet is nearly as unbearable. Will I give my heart only to find them coming to the same conclusions and going their own way? The urge to run and hide is great. It's safer, but not better.
The joy of earlier in the week (5/24/2004) was quickly snatched away. From hope and encouragement to dispair in one swoop. Ironically, I was excited to share the results of that night with him. I knew of his pain for our church, and I hoped that it would give him some encouragement and hope. I guess it was too late for that. We will still remain good friends, and can still have those talks. But I know that without the regular meeting together at church, it will be more difficult, and it won't be the same. I hope I'm wrong.
It is another loss for our spiritual family, but because of the actions of the deacons on Monday (5/24/2004) I have renewed hope for our congrgation. We must act quickly to stem the tide. I fear the enemy has gotten a real foothold, and he won't be easily removed.
Since writing that, the leadership team has gotten together a few more times. It's been encouraging, and I am begining to see a bond develop between us. There are still some real questions in my mind, some real differences in opinion on where to take the church, but I remain hopeful. Frankly I am glad to see the diversity of the group. I think it will mean, if we can really listen to each other, a healthy leadership for the church. If only we can see the wisdom and value in each other's words.
We've begun to visit the members as well. My first will be tomorrow morning. I am anxious to hear what they have to say. Lot's of lessons in listening coming up. If you'e the praying type, adn you feel so moved, please say a prayer for the leadership here in the Columbus Church of Christ to be able to listen with humble hearts. It's so easy to dismiss without a proper hearing.
My Brother, I know that it is difficult. Please stay encouraged by the very fact that The Master is so gracious, that you are even in the situation that you are in. One thing that I am learning in the Mainline Church, is that the Bible must be THE absolute authority. Differences of opinion must not exist. The bible is clear, and when it's not, then it isn't the bible, but the reader. Look at James 4:1-3, and consider what is said about differences of opinion. Also, look at 1 Corinthians 11:19, and understand that differences can be good, but must be resolved for the health of the Church. There are so many brothers and sisters that I love in attendance at your fellowship, and take warning from the history of Isreal. When Moses went up to the mountain to talk to God, the Hebrews strayed. If the people lack leadership while they are obtaining direction, they will stray. What is happening in Columbus has broken my heart. Since you insist on sticking it out there, then I would encourage you to assume some authority, as long as you have the scriptures. I know that you will be met with resistance, but truly humilty and contrition before the Master will prevail. Most of all, pray for the Master to expose the hearts of those who are subordanate towards the Word, and ask the fellowship not to give into sentimentality and deal with them as the Master Commands. (That was a serious run on sentence) Be well and I WILL pray for you and the church as a whole.
I wrote that last post while taking care of something with my daughter. Some of it is a little mixed up, but I hope you get the point.
Paul,
Thanks for the comments. I was just thinking of you, I hope you are well.
Yes, I 'insist on sticking it out' here. :-) I plan on taking the authority, given me as a Deacon, to speak and act and move the church closer to God. The responsibility to care for God's children is too great to be silent. As I have said over again, time will tell where this leads.
BTW - You use a Mac, right? How does my site look on a Mac? Any problems?
Doug, I am only aware of what is happening in our church by what has been announced. I only see the front end of the leadership, not behind the scenes, which I am sure are two different fronts just in naturally how people are. I have been saddened by what has happened but I think just in my own self-defensive mechanisms, I do not let these things affect me, or at least I do not allow myself to recognize the affect, I just am not sure...anyway... I would like to encourage you though. You are a self-less person, you give a lot to the church especially through Kid's Kingdom. I know way back when, when I was going through my separation and working through all that you were a major strength for me though I do not know if you even know that or if I have ever told you. I learned a lot about raising babies and discipline and carseats and little spiritual questions. When I moved from the apartment back to live with my mom, you were the one who organized the whole move, which is something I did not want to have to deal with because of the situation and I was pregnant with Cameron. You helped keep me on the narrow path when I was in a situation were I was surely destined to fall. And you have been a strength for me, encouragement, advice, a friend, and willing to step up as a mentor for my kids. And I believe you are quite capable of taking more leadership like you spoke about in related topics. One advice that I always remember you gave me when no one understood why I was doing what I was doing back then, which you might be able to use here is...if I just do it and stick it out and no matter how things turn out, myself and probably no one else, would not be able to say that I did not at least try and give it 100%.