It's been quiet around here lately. Last week, my good friend BEG and his wife and two girls (Yep, that makes 7 women to 2 men in the house. 10 to 2, if you count the cats) came in from Wisconsin for most of the week. It was a week of church talk, Driver 2 on Playstation and a new gate in my fence. Good times.
BEG and I are pretty different in some (tractors vs. hot rods) ways but a lot alike in others. This week we talked about one way which we found ourselves in several times. We called it 'The TP Issue', see if you can relate.
I go to the store and the first thing on the list is toilet paper. I go the TP isle and scan the choices. Let's see, we've got Charmin, Northern, the store brand and others in standard, mega and jumbo rolls as well as various size packages with different numbers of rolls. Choices, choices, choices. Well, if the store brand is anything like that stuff at my old employer I certainly don't want it. Ouch. Hmm, but it is $0.08 cheaper per roll, $0.10 in the bulk pack.
"Excuse me." I step aside to let a woman get to the shelves. She grabs a package and moves on.
Oh, but look the Charmin rolls have 10% more sheets per roll in than the store brand, and the store brand doesn't have a jumbo roll. That's 12% more sheets. So, uh, how does that work our price wise on a sheet by sheet basis? I've got a calculator on my Palm Pilot …
"Excuse me." Another woman steps by, grabs a package and moves on.
OK, so the Charmin is slightly more per sheet, but about the same if I get the bulk pack. Northern is pretty much the same. I think the Charmin looks softer, plus I like those commercials with the bears. Wait, oh I get it, the sheets on the Charmin are only 5" x 4" where the store brand has 5" x 6" sheets. Well that throws the whole thing off …
Some 20 minutes later I leave the TP isle with my choice. Now, on to shredded cheddar. Hmmm, 3 cups of Kraft vs. 2 cups of …
After I get it home I realize that the jumbo rolls I bought don't fit in my TP holder. Argh. I kick myself for not getting it right.
An exaggeration? Yeah, a little, but you get the point. I'm obsessed with getting it right and it's just toilet paper. You should have seen us at Home Depot buying gate hardware. T shaped hinges or straight? Zinc plated or black? 6" or 4"? Right angle or flush? And on and on and on. We looked at each other maybe twice and said "It's a TP issue." Yet we still analyzed and thought and thought. It took us 30-45 minutes to pick out a pair of hinges, a latch and a box of screws.
I do the same thing spiritually. My mind races around and around trying to determine if I have the absolutely right take on a particular doctrine. And if I do, what are the implications? If the implications seem wrong, perhaps that means I've got the doctrine wrong? Or maybe I don't understand the implications? What if someone I respect and loves God thinks differently? What does that mean? Who's right?
I've intellectually understood that God is not looking for us to be right but to be righteous, but my nature is to make sure I've bought the right toilet paper. I understand in my head that two Godly men can have different opinions and both be right, but part of me still says "OK, sure, but seriously, who's right?"
It's all about not wanting to let go of my ways and embrace God's way. To stay in control and not surrender. It's the part of me that can't believe that "God's grace is sufficient." I think that grace will be enough as long as I've got the rest right. Just a minute God, I'll relax, let go and accept your grace in a minute, I've just got to figure this out …
It's exhausting and frustrating and I don't know how to be different. Anyone relate?
It's like looking straight into the mirror, as far as my heart is concerned. I think that one of the challenges that we face, as Christians, is our understanding of the bible. The bible is unquestionably, undeniably, unequivocally, undoubtedly completely subjective. Yet, in the same breath, it isn't subjective at all. This is where I have come to a conclusion that the bible has infinitely deeper truths in it, and that our hearts are the gateway in which we can see it. That is where our choice comes in. We have a choice as to whether we will soften, or harden ourselves in response to our sin, and our attempts at righteousness and holiness (integrity and purity! So forth.) I also believe that this is where grace and its simplicity takes the stage. Jesus died for our sins, and took our punishment, and then overcame death (our deserved death) through resurrection, and all this is God's display of love (in reading 1 John we know this quite well, and what our response is and should be).
I think that simple faith from simple hearts is just as righteous as complicated faith with complicated hearts. Ephesians states that we are saved by grace through faith. As Paul describes how grace took place in his life, I think that grace is God's calling through his word in Christ, and faith is obedience to the scripture. Over and over again, the epistles describe what this life of faith should be, and the one constant is love for others. According to Jesus, loving your neighbor is expressing mercy to strangers. I take this as my calling to Christ. If you can see it, it is really quite simple, even for complicated guys like us. You are an engineer, you over analyze everything before even making a decision, much less picking toilet paper. I don't think it's hard. I know that there is no pat statement that can be made as far as being a Christian is concerned, but honestly I think it boils down to a whole lot of forgiving of everybody. I know that forgiveness is also complicated because God doesn't and won't forgive everybody, but his instruction to us is to do just that. Golden Rule baby, Golden Rule…
Well, as for toilet paper my husband does the buying he's picky. As for The Home Depot (thank you for shopping ;-) I'd ask an associate to fill my list while I fetch a cold drink for him.
The knowing of the Word? At times I don't comment because I'm not sure if I have it right or my views will be smacked down. Most of us out in our little blog world are great if we don't agree. You always are. Some aren't so kind. The different views are fine to me because I see the Bible a bit differently then I think most and now I feel if I try to explain my point on that I will end up crying. Bad day that's why. Any how I think it's kind of ok to doubt what we think because we usually dive in and pray, think, and learn. That's what God wants. I think.
Nicely said.
P's comment made me remember. Before I was a Christian I used to think abortion was wrong unless the person's life was in danger. Then it came up well what if it was a rape case, what if the baby is deformed, what if the mother is a bad role model...on and on. Then on this issue and so many others the Bible gave me peace because I didn't have to try to make a moral standard for every issue the Bible states it plainly.
Oh, and by the way I've found the perfect TP. I couldn't tell you the brand name but it has aloe and my pooper likes it! :)
I don't think the key is in trying to be different. The key is in being you...the you that is uniquely you, created to be so.
God's interest in you is a love affair. He's madly, wildly, unbelievably pursuing you as a lover pursues the object of His or Her affection. You interest Him, he wants to explore your depths. You fascinate Him, He wants to interact with your mystery. He is smitten with you, He wishes to know you in the deepest forms of the word *as you are*.
Pursue Him and His love without an eye constantly toward your "rightness", but His sufficienncy. Revel in His interest in you rather than making any effort at all to pique it.
Maybe I read too much into the underlying dilemma of your tale, but it seems you work far too hard toward something that is gifted to you.
To your point off being me, me is the guy trying to get it right, or at least it fels like that's who I am. Perhaps I misunderstood your point? :-)
At any rate, you're right, I work too hard.
Oh, I almost forgot, thanks for stopping by. How'd you happen to find your way here?
My wife buys the toilet paper. It works. 'Nuff said.
For outdoor hardware, I try *really* hard to spring for stainless steel, including screws. Generally, considering the total cost of most projects, the added cost is usually negligable. Zinc coated stuff still seems to rust on me.
Grace and mercy.
You will never get it right.
You will never get it right.
No, you won't.
Wanna get it right every time?
- Love Jesus more than anything.
- Love other people as much as you love yourself.
Yea, I know you knew that.I enjoy trying to figure this stuff out, too. Certainly a big part of showing love and respect for God is trying to understand what exactly he wants from me.
But I know I'm not going to. Maybe some of it. Mostly, I'll just keep begging forgiveness and counting on Jesus' blood to sneak me in to heaven.
I like what Jerald said. Last night, one of the other guys in our congregation shared with me what Peter wrote: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I also think of John writing, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us..."
I am blessed with being the type of person who can accept a half-hearted effort to understand things and be satisfied. Call it lazy. Call it immature. Call it whatever you want and you would probably be right.
But I say I am blessed because it has kept me from getting too tied up in the brainy, nitty-gritty of doctrinal issues. And I can move right on into the "heart" stuff.
I am also cursed with being the type of person who can accept a half-hearted effort to undertand things and be satisfied...
It has hindered me from being able to possess a Proverbs-type understanding of God and His Word. Therefore, I end up in conversations (or debates) and only have basic arguments that don't come off all that convincing.
We (I) need brothers like you who love to sink your teeth into things and not let go until understanding is full. Consider it a gift from God and you may find it easier to accept the grace of God at the same time you are doing "brain- battle." :-)
Hey Doug,
That was an all-star quality post. Great insight!
Sometimes for my lunch at work, I'll go out to the grocery store nearby. I might pick up a frozen dinner, or yogurt and fruit, or a smoothie, or maybe buy a barbecue sandwich from the guy cooking in the parking lot. If I make up my mind before I get to the store, I can be back at work in ten minutes. If I go into the store not knowing what I want, it can take half an hour.
I'm sure there is a spiritual lesson in there somewhere... Perhaps when I make up my mind in advance, it's like I cast all my anxiety on God and moved on with my life. After all, that particular decision *really* isn't that big a deal. It's certainly not worth a half hour of my life!
Some things really are more important than others.