I wonder what the story that preceded the prodigal son is. Luke tells us simply that "The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.'" but I wonder what transpired before that. After all, the next verse indicates that it took a little time after Dad gave him his share of the family estate for Jr. to actually leave, so I suspect that there was some time of pondering, questioning and wondering prior to the request.
What was going through his mind in the days, weeks and months prior? He lived in plenty and protection, yet there was the unknown calling him. Was it curiosity that drew him outside the walls of his father's protection? The desire to see the unknown?
Was it some contempt for his safe, familiar surroundings? To escape from under the thumb of 'the man'? Maybe he felt trapped by the security and predictability of home. He wanted some adventures and thrills. Maybe he was just bored.
In those prior days, did he sneak out at night into the nearby town to taste what he was missing, returning just before dawn and the rise of Dad and the rest of the family? Did what he found pull at his heart, calling him away?
And if he did, I wonder, did Dad know what he was up to? Did he watch him sneak away and return, never letting on that he knew? What did Dad do to prevent what he saw coming, what eventually happened? And if he did know, why didn't he lock the doors from the outside and bar the windows?
My oldest daughter is 11. I've noticed that she's begun to test the waters. She's learned that she can make her own choices. She's learned that when Mom and Dad aren't around, they can't see what she's doing or hear what she's saying and she can do what she wants, seemingly without consequence. I know because she's not as good at it as she thinks. She slips and says things that she would normally only say when we aren't there. Nothing horrible, mind you, but not what we've taught her to do.
Don't hear me wrong, she's a great kid and I'm immensely proud of her. Her mother and I are doing our best - and praying like mad - to see that she's prepared for the journey ahead. She's just nearing the precipice that we all come to and eventually jump from. The ways of the world are calling, and she's listening.
It's not too long before she will be the prodigal.
Not physically (I pray!), but spiritually. She will decide that she's knows her way and she's going to go off on her own. She's learned enough from Mom and Dad and church, but it's time to go her own way. Oh, she won't go far, she'll tell herself, she'll be fine. And God is watching her, as he did all of us, and weeping, hoping that one day she'll be back. And somehow, I don't know how, he's not locking the doors and barring the windows. He's not thundering from the heavens "No! Don't go!" I guess he knows that he will never truly have her love unless he lets her leave.
Me, I want padlocks, deadbolts, surveillance cameras, electronic tethers and bars on the windows. I want to call after her, reasoning, begging and pleading. But that's not God's way, so I swallow hard, pray harder, teach, discipline, wait and watch. Just as that father that Jesus talked about did.
I remember a day back when I wasn't much older than Jessica is now. We were at a neighbors for a cookout. Their dog was chained in the yard and as I walked up, the dog in it's excitement circled around me, tangling my legs in the chain and I fell. "Damn dog!" I shouted. Dad was only a few feet away and I looked up quickly, expecting a reprimand, but none came, he just stared at me.
The moment passed and I thought I had dodged a bullet. I remember wondering why he hadn't said anything, wondering what that look was about. Now I think I know. I think it was a sort of resignation that his work as a Dad was nearly done. Now all he could do was watch and hope that the prodigal would come home soon.
I've tried to do what that guy said in an article you pointed to awhile ago, (Patrick Mead I think). To let my kid make decisions but understand there are consequences for those decisions. I don't do it as often as I should but I want to and think it's a good philosophy. Anyway, I'm sure it's a scary time for you and am not looking forward to that time for my critters.
My son is standing on the edge now he is almost a teenager. I fear the word for him he has such good in him. I know that this little boy will someday make a decision to turn to instead of away. I'm with you on this one about bubble wrapping their lives, yet they truly must go to grow.
His voice has lowered a bit this summer with a mission trip and camp. He now seems to have a life of his own. I'm praying for our children.
Now there is a dose of reality for me. My oldest (David) is 5, and my baby girl (Joy) turns 3 in a week and a half. But I know the years fly by so quickly that, even now, I look back and see many missed opportunities for their spiritual growth and maturity.
You paint a good picture, though. I will try to remember this when my kids get to "that age." But I'll be sure to spend the appropriate amount of time "freaking out" before I get the right perspective. It just seems the right thing to do.
;-)
My 9 year old is truly my padawan learner, but I know that one day (probably in the next three or four years) I almost expect the "I hate you!" comment. Not that I haven't or am not raising her right, no, I have great confidence in what we are doing and how we are raising her, but I know that, as a great friend named Doug once told me, "Preteens are the years that they learn how to sin..." I remember you saying that, and I remember it hitting me pretty hard. It still does. I know that someday I will get blamed for each and everything that she deems wrong in life, and I can work with that. I think that the most painful part, is that in order for her to mature, she will have to learn how to overcome her sin, which means pain is on the road to conversion. She asks frequently about how old does she have to be in order to be baptized, and yearns to be a part of God's Kingdom, as a Christian (Although I tell her that all "kids" are Christians until they grow up as a teenager, and then they must make that decision on their own.That brings up a great topic that I have been contemplating for some time. Why did Jesus wait until he was thirty to get baptized? He said that it was to fulfill all rightousness...hmm. I know that baptism has become a right of passage for many children of the I/M coC community, but there is medical evidence that the teen mind is physically unable to process concepts of long term effects of their current actions. Perhaps, conversion is what will lead them to making the right decisions during this time, or perhaps they are unable to register their own conversion years later, especially in their LATE teen years? Perhaps Jesus' age was a social/traditional thing? But I digress...).
I ache to know that she will have to go through so much in order for her faith to mature. Lord willing, she will not choose to abandon her faith and fight her battles faithfully through prayer and repentance and so forth. But children of better men than me have choosen to turn to the world as a teenager, and make huge mistakes, including pregnacy, so I know all I can do is take it one day at a time, and continue to pray with her, about her, for her.
It is so extremely hard sometimes to know if you are making the right impact, or if you are building them up for a big time rebellion. I think for me, I have to make sure that I'm not religious with her, but always sincere. I think at church, there is ample opportunity to ingrain her with dogma. That is the last thing I want to do. I actually fight pretty hard to keep her thinking out of the box, yet unified in faith. Only the Lord knows, praise God.
I had a conversation with my soon to be 17 year old today about her teen friends in the church and the decisions their parents are allowing them to make and she sees the out come and she asked me how can their parents allow them to make those desisions and I didnt have an answer for them all I said was that time will tell by her ( my Daughters) fruit by how we raised our kids. Prov. 22: 6, teaches us to train our children in the way they should go. its actually left open it doesnt say in Gods way or what way for that matter but time will tell in the way we raise our children, by faith and Gods grace we are doing whats right according to his scriptures. By the way Prov. 22 doesnt teach that if they fall away they will turn back but that they will not turn from it. By FAITH
Paul - Padawan? Had to look that up. So, does that make you a Jedi Knight? :-)
I learned that comment about pre-teens at a Kingdom Kids gathering and it hit me pretty hard too. My oldest at the time would have been 7 or 8.
As you know, I have a 9 year old too and she scares me a bit more in some ways. She has an act first, think later kind of personality that gets her in trouble and makes me nervous. She also has a profound fear of Hell, which is a good thing. All I can do, as Bob said, is teach and have faith. God made us this way. I went through this, you went through this, we all do.
That old cliché "If you love something, set it free." is played out a thousand times a day between God and His creation. Parents make all kinds of mistakes in teaching, I do, you do, our parents did, yet kids still grow up and find God. God is working in their lives too, we are not alone.
I look at kids like Bob's and others in my church and I'm encouraged. Even so, it's still hard to watch.