I Think I Need a Break

I'm coming to a conclusion that I've been trying to avoid for a long time. Avoid it while, ironically, implementing it by failing to post anything of substance.

I need to take a break, of sorts, from blogging.

I've felt like posting some stuff, felt I should be posting some stuff, but just couldn't get the enthusiasm for it. Instead, I piddle around the blogshere, reading this and that, getting some good stuff out of some, but mostly just wasting time. Meanwhile, the funk I've found myself in, a general hopeless malaise with no real explanation, remains. No matter what I do, I can't really shake it.

It occurred to me that the last time I felt this sort of malaise was back in college, before I studied the Bible in earnest for the first time and eventually became a Christian. At the time, the commitment to the Father completely erased the low feelings that I had been experiencing. Lately, I've been wrapped up in my own thoughts, my own emotions and the endless spiral of trying to sort things out. I've been reading and praying less and less.

A few months ago, a friend and I were talking. He observed in me several gifts that God had given me and that those things should be the core of my personal ministry. Not Ministry with a capital 'M', but the kind of ministry we all should have. Our own ongoing way of using what God has gifted us for the advancement of his kingdom. He also observed that when I was not doing that, I was not a happy person. The lack of joy was evident.

I think there's a battle going on. A pull between the spirit guiding me to use what God has given me and my own desires to sit and veg. My flesh has been winning lately, and I'm honestly not sure I want to change that right now. But I'm certainly tired of the funk.

The bottom line of all this is that it's time that I turned my attention away from myself and back to God. To start that, I've decided that my Bible study and my prayer time need to be returned to a higher priority. It's not the end I seek - I seek God - but to know Him, I need to commune with him.

To that end, I'm taking a break from this blog and from others. I spend a lot of time on line. A lot. Several hours a night. My commitment for the near term is no surfing until I've been in my Bible and on my knees (figuratively) that day. It's not a forever rule necessarily, those sort of things loose their impact after a while, but merely a forced discipline to help me refocus.

I do plan on posting my quiet time notes here, so I won't be gone completely. Those notes and the discussion generated help me dig deeper. I also hope, frankly, that as I refocus I'll be inspired to post more here as well - just after my reading time.