Well over a year ago, I wrote this post about living intentionally. In other words, deciding my path, doing what I know I should or what I believe to be best based on what God has shown me in the Bible rather than just going with the flow of life, wherever it may take me. Back in May of 2008 i wrote:
I sit down at my laptop every night and most days (like now) at lunch, but mostly I browse around the web looking at stuff. Some good stuff, like Codepoke's blog or Jared's blog (two you ought to read), but sometimes it's just time killers. The online equivalent of reruns of M*A*S*H, something you do to have something to do.
Painfully, this is exactly where I find myself today. More and more distracted by the fluff of life, sitting on my bum watching re-runs of M*A*S*H, figuratively. Almost a year and a half later, and nothing has changed.
Ouch.
Today, however, I a this post from the Desiring God blog that opened my eyes. It was titled When You Don't Want to Do What You Ought To and was an eye opener. In it, John Piper lists 5 ways of dealing with exactly what I've been feeling.
Choices 1-2 are basically ignoring the problem or fooling yourself into thinking that what you want and what you ought are one in the same. Options 3-4 are where many religious people live, gutting it out, doing what you ought even though you don't feel like it and maybe feeling guilty about not wanting to.
I've realized that I've been living in Option 1 (denial) while trying or hoping to get to option 3 (just doing it).
Option 5, however, is where I need to be:
You can seek, by grace, to have God give the "want to" so that when the time comes to do the "ought to," you will "want to."
In other words, cry out to God to change my heart and make my desires line up with the good I ought to do.
My prayer life hasn't been what it should be, shoot it's been practically non existent. But my mental focus hasn't been on reconnecting with God so that he might refresh me and renew in me the desires of His heart. Instead, I've been spending my mental energy trying to figure out how I can make room in my schedule, remove Twitter followers, readjust the feeds I subscribe to, change my viewing habits, rearrange my schedule or whatever so that I'll be able to get myself to do the good things I ought. Instead, I should be on my knees, asking to be made ready to act. Not just in ability but, more importantly, in heart and desire.
it's a fools errand, trying to change myself. I'm far too broken, far to limited in my intellect and far too weak to do so. All along, he stands at the ready to give me what my heart desires. All I have to do is ask.
I find myself in the same boat. More interested in the BCS standings than my own relationship with God when I'm surfing in my "off" time. So when I sit down to blog... nothin'.
How to break out of the funk? I wish I knew a surefire way. But I remain outward focused and serve in every way I can and know how. And that brings me inspiration to continue on, even when things don't go my way (which is often).
It's cliche, but you can't wait to 'feel like' doing what's right. You have to do until you feel right. I want to believe that's not true, but experience tells me otherwise.
Where has the Holy Spirit been leading you? (see John 16:13-15 followed by Galatians 5:18)
I think sometimes we treat being a Christian like a diet. We do what is right in spurts but then blow it. Then we feel guilty which leads us to blowing it more. It gets harder and harder to "feel" like you want to do the right thing cause you've spiritual are getting fat. Then we break out of it, get some gumption and go on the Christian diet again. Ideally we change our lifestyle and it's no longer a diet but a part of who we are. Unfortunately that doesn't happen to often or eventually the lifestyle can revert. Either way, I do know that a killer is guilt. So, let it go. Let it roll right off your shoulder. Tomorrow is a new day.
Doug it's been ages since I've been to your site. How incredibly providential to stop by today (goofing off, burning time) and find this post. Good stuff that leaves me convicted about the frivolous ways in which I spend my life.
Thanks for sharing from the heart.
Hope you have a great Thanksgiving!
Rong - Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad it helped you. I've been by your place ocassionally over the past few months, but not very regularly.
Hope you had a good Thinksgiving as well.