No, Brant Hansen, I Win at Christmas

Poor Brant Hansen.

Today, only 2 days after Thanksgiving he prematurely declares that he's won Christmas with his fancy CHRIST-mas tree:

I win by demonstrating that your tree is just -- you know -- an Xmas tree. Your tree is a hollow reminder of paganism's triumph. Your tree, which has exactly zero giant crosses in it, is an affront to the very reason we started cutting down pine trees and putting them in our living rooms and decorating them with popcorn in the first place: Jesus.

Your tree is lame. Your tree is a foot-soldier in the War on Christmas. Your tree hopes people have a happy holiday. Your tree watches MSNBC.

Christian Nation TreeHowever, he clearly is over confident and declaring victory much too soon, for I am one upping his lowly tree with my new 'The Christian Nation CHRIST-mas tree' adorned not with some low tech, old world wood cross but a glorious electrified illuminated cross. Not only do I pull ahead in the race to win Christmas, but I get a significant head start in winning the 4th of July because, as you can see, my tree is red white and blue!

Brant's tree can only display it's cross-ness during the daylight, while mine can all night long and even in a severe thunderstorm (as long as the power stays on). My tree is a tree that the founding fathers would have displayed if they had access to plastic red, white and blue pine needles.

Brant, your tree only makes a statement about Jesus, mine shouts JESUS! and AMERICA! therefore, I win.

Your move, Mr. Hansen.



Okay, well, that just means I need to raise my game. And -- rest assured -- I shall.

I have a lighted ornament that morphs from Uncle Sam to Jesus and back to Uncle Sam.

Brant - That ornament would look so much better on my tree ...

Too slow to figure out where to comment, but I meant both of you.

I'm still recovering from getting cheap one year and cutting a long needle Christmas tree down. I poked my eye with one of the needles while installing it and it still affects my eye every once in awhile.

I see your tree and raise it a wooden children's manger.

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