Romans 11:1-6 - More evidence, direct statements frankly, that God chooses at least some, setting them aside for his purpose. What does that look like, I wonder? it's tempting to say that God has somewhat randomly and arbitrarily picked some to be his and that means that they do not have to wrestle with sin or dedicate themselves to Him. But that's reading into the text. God, through Paul, simply says that he has a remnant set aside. We don't know how they were chosen as a remnant nor what that means for them and their faith.
The mystery of God's choosing is profound, deep and complex and I think we do Him, and us, a disservice when we try to simplify it.
Romans 11:11-16 - The preceding verses talk about some in Israel who were hardened, but this passage indicates that the ministry outside of Israel holds hope even for them that out of jealousy they might be moved to seek God and be saved. So hardened does not equal rejected or dismissed or discarded.
Romans 11:20 - "They were broken off because of their unbelief." An arbitrary hardening of some of Israel? No.
Romans 11:17-20 - This passage puts the preceding chapters and verses describing God's choosing in the light of how he chooses. Some are hardened and cut off, some are grafted in. Yet, even those who were ct off can be re-grafted if they come to faith. So, God looks to our faith in His choosing, at least in part
Romans 11:25-32 - This seems to muddy the waters a bit again, indicating that God is up to something, a grand plan that involves hardening some to drawing in others which in turn will draw back those who he hardened. In fact, he has given us all over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on all. (v. 32)
I think that this verse sums it up for me:
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
He's up to something alright and I can only understand it in part, but I'm grateful that I can take part in it.
I think you allude to the problems I see with Calvinism's major tenets. Not that they are purely non-scriptural, but that they attempt to simplify Gods sovereignty, his plan and his working in us into a one size fits all rule of faith. As you say it takes reading too much into the text to come out with a Calvinist view. I find it very difficult to explain this my Calvinist friends, though and I always get a little frustrated with them.